Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize