All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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