I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
