What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
time to smoke my breakfast
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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