Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
