WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
