Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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