Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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