Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i will never coherently bang her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
