I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
