One girl and one boy is just not enough.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
