Are we in a gay sports bar?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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