Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
