somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
