My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
is wine microwaveable?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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