Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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