It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
