I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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