You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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