thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
