You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
