stop calling my apartment porn island.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
