I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
