I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
