I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
