You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
