Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you never un-have a 4some
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
