between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
