he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize