It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
where are my eyebrows?
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