Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
