I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
