you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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