I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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