...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
