Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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