bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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