jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
