my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
