20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
