I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
