So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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