come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
