I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
