Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
