and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Green mimosas i think yes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
