it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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