I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
