I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
