I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
