i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
