I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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