this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
