ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
