I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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