You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
