Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
