I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
