Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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