Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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