how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
