The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
