She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
