I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
