not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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