Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
