He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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