How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he puts the penis in happiness.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
