if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
