Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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