ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
