i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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