sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
