Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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