Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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