Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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