I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
as a side note pls kill me
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