Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
